When the Pastor Moves, the Whole Family Feels It
Pastoral transitions are never easy on a pastor’s family—no matter how healthy the church or how clear God’s call may be. As pastors, we often try to protect our children from the ups and downs that come with ministry life. We keep things quiet, thinking we’re sparing them worry or confusion. But when the time finally comes to tell them we’re moving on, the news often hits harder than we expect.
The truth is, the longer we’ve served in one place, the more our children see that community as home. They grow up surrounded by spiritual family—Sunday school teachers, youth leaders, mentors, and friends who have walked beside them since they were small. Those people become their brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, even grandparents in the faith. So when a pastoral transition happens, it’s not just Mom or Dad changing jobs. It’s the whole family losing something deeply personal.
In January 2018, after months of prayer and wrestling, my wife and I sensed that God was calling us away from the church where we had served for eight years. The church was healthy. Our staff worked in unity, and our ministry was thriving both locally and globally. But there were circumstances beyond our control that made it clear God was leading us elsewhere.
When we sat down to tell our kids—then 14, 12, and 10—we knew it would be hard. Our oldest was angry. Our middle child didn’t say a word. Our youngest cried. None of that surprised us. It reflected who they were and how much the church meant to them. Over the next few months, we watched them grieve in different ways. They missed their friends, their routines, and the sense of belonging that had shaped their young faith. At times, my wife and I wondered if their relationship with God would survive the change. Would they confuse leaving the church with leaving the Church? Would their pain harden into resentment toward ministry—or even toward God Himself?
Looking back now, we can see how God was teaching us three important lessons about transitions and our children:
Let them grieve.
We can’t rush our kids past the pain. They need permission to be sad, angry, or confused. Our job isn’t to fix their emotions but to hold space for them—to listen, to pray, and to let them feel what they feel for as long as it takes.Help them stay connected.
Leaving a church doesn’t mean cutting off every relationship. We were fortunate to remain in the same city, which allowed our kids to keep in touch with mentors and friends from our former congregation. By God’s grace, some of those relationships still exist today—eight years later—and have become lasting reminders of His faithfulness.Trust God with their story.
There were moments when we feared our kids would turn away from faith because of what we’d walked through. But we’ve learned that God is more faithful than our fears. He continues to pursue our children even when the circumstances of ministry are messy. He redeems what we can’t control.
Pastoral transitions will always come with uncertainty and loss. But they can also become sacred ground—places where both parents and children learn to trust God in new ways. If you’re walking through a transition right now, If you’re walking through a pastoral transition right now, we at Table & Towel understand what that season feels like and would be honored to walk alongside you as you navigate it.
God’s call for you includes His care for your children. He’s writing their story, too—and He’s not finished yet.
Scott Bullock